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Loneliness vs Being Alone – Why We Should Never Fear Ourselves

In this time of cultural nihilism, we are often told that loneliness is a scourge on our community. It is. The lack of interaction – true, meaningful interaction – with other sentient beings, human or Grimalkin, like ourselves can leave us feeling very detached from the world, bereft and isolated. I want to address some things as this is a subject close to my heart. I have felt loneliness at times but I have also known those who are lonely. And so, this blog is for them.

We all seek out others of our kind. Our family. Our community. Our clan. Our tribe. It is a natural response to want to be with those who understand us, who can care for us and who we can care for in return. We seek sanctuary in these relationships. We yearn for that deep connection that touches our minds, hearts and souls. We want that silent knowing that we are accepted without question by those who are like us. It is where we find security, peace, love and friendship.

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But there are times when we can be surrounded by people and feel the loneliest being in the world. Why is this? I believe that we feel this way because we have lost, or never had, that essential connection with ourselves. Some can live their entire lives on their own and be happy and at peace with that because they have a strong sense of self. They know who they are and where they are going. But for many, seeking out others to deal with their loneliness becomes a mission, and sometimes a toxic and all-consuming one at that.

Loneliness is a natural reaction to the lack of meaningful connections with others. I say meaningful because we, as complex creatures, we want to engage with and expand our consciousness with others in our journey of life, share our hopes and dreams with them, share our loves and our pet peeves, our gripes and our simple pleasures and hope they understand them. We want validation that we matter, and that everything about us and our world has meaning and significance. We seek out others of our kind because we long to extend our universal love to those around us, to feel included and safe and secure. We are social beings. Our energies will naturally gravitate towards those who vibrate on a similar wavelength. The saying “you are on my wavelength” means exactly that.

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Being connected to those like us brings us joy and peace. It brings out the best in us and we bring out the best in others in turn. But what if you do not have those connections? What if, at some point in your life, you find yourself feeling alone despite being in the midst of a crowd?

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There are times when you can feel so disconnected from everything and everyone it becomes difficult to function in everyday life. Loneliness can draw you into a dangerous world of isolation, depression and self-sabotage. You can often feel like it is your fault you feel this way, like you have failed somehow, failed at being a human being because, here you are – you may be popular, have lots of friends or be successful – and yet you are wanting. You may feel guilty for feeling this way, somehow ungrateful, feeling the confusion of wanting to get away and yet yearning for the company of others, and this can lead to a downward spiral of depression. self-blame and even self-loathing. You feel like a fraud for putting on a smile and showing the world that you are okay but inside you are screaming. Keeping up appearances is a Sisyphean task – you get through the day with a laugh and a smile, keeping everyone’s probing questions of “u ok hun?” at bay, only to crawl to bed in the early hours, aching and despairing, having no room in your mind or your heart to think or feel anything but the darkness that is slowly pressing in upon you.

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You can’t talk about it. How could you? You have to be the person everyone wants you to be. One person needs you to be one way, another person needs you to be another. You have to juggle flaming torches and spin plates all at the same time, pleasing everyone, or at least trying to. You try your hardest but inside you feel like you are failing, falling apart. You are keeping it together but barely. You don’t know what people want from you.  You can’t be yourself. You begin to understand that you can’t keep everyone happy, you can’t please everyone. You can’t be everything to every person. You can’t do all the things you promised. You are being crushed under the sheer weight of the pressure around you – people, things, work, more people, more work, family….. It goes on and on. Your health is beginning to fail. You can’t do as much as you did before. That adds to the guilt. It weights even heavier upon you. The world becomes a carousel of noise and sound you can’t seem to escape from but you long to, long to get away for just a little while. You ache to get away from it all, to be alone, even away from the people you love most, but this also adds to the guilt. You feel like a monster for wanting a few precious moments away from them – to walk in the woods, to sit with a book and just gather your thoughts. Just for a few moments…

But in those moments, you still feel that void inside of you. The inescapable void that longs to be filled with something you don’t know what. You have been seeking it all your life but it has always eluded you. Sex. Work. Friends. Things. But it was never enough.  Anger. Rage. Frustration, Depression. Despair, Sadness. Emptiness. It is all there. All working against you and yet there is no-one there to tell it to. You keep it in. You feel like your heart is going to explode with the sheer volume of it all. The loss. The pain. The inability to voice the discordant cacophony of feelings, emotions and thoughts playing a disharmonious dirge inside of you. It is a frightening and isolating place to be, my Dear Human. You cannot voice it because you don’t know how.  You never learned that your thoughts and feelings were important. You were never taught that you mattered in a way that you should have done. But it matters. It always mattered. Because, my Dear Human, you are and essential part of the Whole, the All, just like the rest of us.

Your silence is killing you.

But oh, my Dearest Human, there is a way. From one who has walked through darkness and come out of the other side, there is a way to end this cycle of destruction. You can  and are worth saving.

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People often confuse being alone with loneliness. The two are not the same. Loneliness is the feeling of lack. Being alone is the feeling of contentment in one’s own company. It can take some time to adjust to being on one’s own but it is an important part of personal growth.

Now, I am not suggesting you end all of your relationships, cut all of your ties and live like a hermit or an anchorite until the end of your earthly days. You can be with others AND feel comfortable BEING ALONE at the same time.

  1. Being alone does not mean shutting yourself off from others. Being alone means setting time aside for YOURSELF and doing the things you enjoy, being present in the moment, reflecting on the things you want out of life.
  2. Being alone sets healthy boundaries with others. If you find you do not have a moment to yourself, be assertive and express your intention to have You-Time.
  3. Being alone is essential to personal growth and development. Many people fear being on their own. If you feel this way, then ask yourself why? Are you afraid of yourself? Do you need to work on some inner issues? Do you need help with anything? If you need help ASK. NEVER BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF HELP, PLEASE DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. CONTACT SOMEONE YOU TRUST, A PROFESSIONAL OR A GP. NEVER SUFFER ALONE. 
  4. Being alone gives you much-needed time to evaluate your situations. If your life or situation requires change or improvement, being alone will give you the time and emotional/mental space you need to make rational and informed decisions.

It is easier said than done. The fear of being alone can be too much for some and they spend their entire lives seeking out company because they cannot, or will not, address the reasons why they feel that way. My belief is that is you have a strong, or at least, a stable, inner core, then being alone and doing things on your own, becomes something you enjoy and not something to be feared.

People fear being alone with themselves. You should never fear yourself. If you have difficulty finding yourself, then take time to discover that. But you can only do that by spending time alone. Make friends with yourself. Be your own best friend, your own brother or sister. Being alone helps you to discover things about yourself you never knew existed. You may surprise yourself – once you give yourself time to grow and expand in the new space you have given yourself, you will feel less lonely. You will have forged that essential connection with yourself, which is the most important connection of all, the most healthy relationship you can have. Of course, you will still have your relationships and people around you, but you will now have a choice – you will choose to seek out company because you will not need it as you once did. The need to fill the void will no longer be there because you have done the work inside. You can only fix and heal yourself, but always seek out professional help if you need it. No-one can solve your problems for you, nor can people, addictions or things be substitutes for the relationship you need to create with yourself.

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There is one last thing I want to address. You are not a failure. You are not a bad person. You are not unwanted, or unloved, or incapable of doing things. You are not a misfit or a freak or a square peg in a round hole. Your experiences do not make you. Your character and your integrity does. If you have not fit into a particular niche in life, if you have always felt like an outsider, there is a reason why and it has nothing to do with you. It is not because there is something wrong with you, it is because there is something wrong with society. You will always find your clan, your tribe. If you are not resonating with those around you and it is making you sad, miserable, uncomfortable or depressed, never feel guilty about moving on. It is YOUR life and we only have a short time here so we need to make the most of it. Seek out those who chime with you. Never apologise and never explain. Part of the reason why we feel lonely is because we stay in situations out of obligation. We do not need to do this. We always have the choice to free ourselves and seek pastures new and feel less alone in the world.

Please visit my other blogs on Inner Child work and Healing for further reading.

Yours Under the Boughs

Imeldra Moonpaw

Night Thoughts – An Honest Look at Love and Faith. When Love Fails And When It Does Not

  Life is complex. We do not have the level of control we think we do. We cannot control others’ actions nor can we control external events that occur around us. The world is not perfect. It is unpredictable, as are those who dwell within it.

  There are times when we think love and faith alone cannot sustain a wounded heart or a jaded soul. It is not enough to just throw open the doors to the heart and hope for the best. We leave ourselves open to disappointment and dismay. Use our discernment wherever possible, especially if we have been walking blindly in the dark without answers. We can only act upon what is given and not what is ambivalent or ambiguous. We make our judgements on what is presented to us whenever we can and, for the most part, misunderstandings, miscommunications and all they entail can be avoided. Such meaningful connections have been lost to such wanderings in the dark. We are sure to turn on the light and see the truth of the matter before making decisions of the heart and soul. Such things as love and faith are sacred and profound, and are as precious and fragile as  as spun glass.

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  No, love cannot be given freely in that way. Faith cannot be blind to all. In the chaos of this maelstrom we call Life it can become lost, damaged, broken, misunderstood, misrepresented, taken for something it is not, even feared. We cannot give those things away freely. To do so is madness.

  There are times when love does not conquer all and our faith fails us. It is then we must look to ourselves, and our Higher Selves within, and see what we truly value, what deserves our time, love and attention. And our faith. To give it away blindly makes it valueless and ceases to have any meaning. Love becomes but a word we say because we feel we have to, not because we truly mean it. It becomes lost and without purpose. And that is when love fails and does not conquer all, nor does it heal the wounds of past hurts, or brings souls together in truth and light. Too many times the word is spoken and too many times the true meaning is lost like brittle leaves in an autumn gale.

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  The lips may say the word but only the heart truly means it, and the heart can say it in a thousand silent ways. It is then, and only then, faith and love can heal the wounds of the heart like they never were, can quieten and soothe the horrors of the past so they are merely echoes in the stillness of night. It is then the tears will dry on the cheeks of the broken, the lonely and the dispossessed. It reaches out and touches the hearts of another, and another and another, and so it goes on, and is passed on from one to the next to the next…

The heart says it in a thousand silent ways.

  It has no need of words. Sometimes love can fail, but sometimes it does not. Sometimes it reaches in and touches you in the space where you think nothing and no-one can reach; the dark, forgotten space left abandoned by hurt and pain even when you don’t want it to. It touches that space like a mother touching her child for the first time and All That Is is suspended there in that place you thought long abandoned. It may not be for any reason at all, but the power of that touch is like the sun setting and rising in your soul. The Mountain and the Fire inside it. The colours of the exploding supernova in your chest that you feel could light up the entire world and beyond. The ebbing and flowing of the tides, coming and going, in and out, rising and falling, day in, day out, burning like a Midsummer day one moment then descending to the warm glow of winter embers the next, all the while lighting up the darkest recesses of your being whether you ask it to or no. You have no choice. They say you don’t choose who you fall in love with. I say you have no choice but to love regardless.

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  Yes, sometimes love fails, but it is only what we perceive to be its failure. Love is just what IS. It does not do what we want it to do. It is not a beast of burden to be directed to plough a field, or pull a cart. Sometimes we don’t want it because it hurts. But is it the love that hurts or are we hurt because life has dealt us an uneven hand? We feel love because it is in us to do so. We hurt because we do not, or cannot give it to others no matter how much we desire it, or it is not received in the way we want it to. The love remains untouched, untainted, unbroken by the whims and affairs of Man. It is the wants and needs of the Ego that hurt and tear at your soul. The love itself remains unchanged.

The heart says it in a thousand silent ways.

  The love that is silent lets go, flows uninhibited like a meandering mountain river down to a vast and sleepy ocean. It is quiet and reflective. It knows when to let fly and give freedom without prejudice. But this a love that can only be known in the silence, after the storm. After the Fall of the Old Life when the skylark has returned to the sky after the hurricane has passed overhead. It is the knowledge that it is not love that hurts – the hurt we do to ourselves by holding onto things that can never be, holding on to old thoughts and feelings that do nought but remind us of our shortcomings, comparing ourselves to others, feeling shame and guilt for past actions, regretting past decisions, words said or left unsaid. In this space, where love touches us deeply, like the Hand of God, none of it matters anymore.

  True love, silent love, does not come from others. It just IS. We just pass it from one to another, if we are lucky enough to do so. Treasure it, like it is spun glass, for it is something that, if passed on from that space where the sun rises and sets, where the winter embers glow, then it truly does have the power to heal ALL wounds, even the ones you never believed would heal. It just takes a little faith.

Yours in Love and Light

Imeldra Moonpaw

 

 

 

Taking Back Your Power -Connecting to Source and Regaining Control of Your Life.

  During the spiritual awakening process, or merely the process of waking up to the fact there is more to this world than first meets the eye, we can often get drawn into other thought processes and ideas. The process of awakening, spiritual or not, can be an uncomfortable and sometimes frightening, bewildering and confusing experience. At this time we will often reach out for something that is familiar and comforting to us rather than take the plunge and forge ahead into the unknown, This is the time where we can become trapped again into another belief system and can be, one again, ensnared into the Matrix.

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  Whether you believe it or not, there are higher and lower forces at work in the Universe. The higher forces (including your Higher Self), whether you believe in God, Goddess, angels, higher beings or the power of Source, are always trying to find a way to ascend, to improve, to raise the vibration of this world and its inhabitants. On the opposite end of the scale there are the lower forces trying to do the opposite and keep the vibration low, to keep people trapped, in fear and in the dark, unknowing, subservient and obedient. These forces know all too well knowledge is power. To ascend is to gain power, personal power, and for far too long, human beings have given their power away.

  For many a century, or even  millennia, the human mind has been conditioned to obey, to accept the program, the conditioning, to accept that the unknown is as scary and as dangerous as the deepest darkest jungle, or the barren wilderness. There is nothing out there. Nothing to see. You will only get hurt. Or die. Better to stay within the safe confines of the program or the system, right?

  But what if  that system, program or theory makes the human mind trapped and miserable? What if the theory people are clinging to and living by is causing them so much suffering and pain they see no way out of it? What if that system or theory suggests a person allows for the mistreatment or bad behaviour of others, to make excuses or allowances because it is ‘divinely ordained’, ‘part of the mission’ or ‘the Universe’s/God’s plan for you’? If that theory or system is causing misery and heartbreak to the ones who are believing in it, how can that possibly be for the highest good? If your heart is breaking and aching beyond endurance, then it is not open to unconditional love and cannot feel that love for all beings. You are not awakening. You are not developing as a spiritual being. You are not ascending. You are slowly descending into your own personal hell.

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  It is time to break the bonds. It is time for human beings to start trusting themselves and the gifts their Creator gave them – a brilliant, spiritual mind, an everlasting soul, the ability to love unconditionally, the ability to transcend this dimension into the 5th, 6th and 7th, the gifts of second sight and all of the supernormal traits that have long been suppressed by the systems that did not want the truth to be revealed. It is time to take back the personal power that humans have given away for so long.

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  Beings (and I am also talking about humans and Grimalkins) are unique and sovereign souls. Some systems will have you believe you need to go through certain people, or to be in union with another human being in order to be whole and complete or to fulfil some sort of ‘soul journey’. This is not true.

You are complete and whole already. You are an individual soul. You do not need another to ‘complete you’. You do not need the love of another to make things happen.

You are already CONNECTED TO SOURCE. You are a SOVEREIGN SOUL.

  You do not need to wait on another to ‘awaken’ or ‘do their work’ or ‘catch up’. You do not need something outside of yourself to validate your mission or your existence. You do not need to be in ‘union’ with anyone.

YOU NEED TO BE IN UNION WITH YOURSELF.

  That means you love yourself first, take care of yourself first, forgive yourself and work on healing those wounds that have long held you back. No-one in this world or the next will ever be able to do that for you. The inner child work is essential here. Only you can do that.

YOU HEAL YOU. YOU LOVE YOU. YOU FORM THAT PRECIOUS BOND OF TRUST WITH YOURSELF. YOU CONNECT WITH SOURCE.  IT IS AS EASY AS BREATHING AND EATING.

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  How Do You Get To This Point?

  The time of letting go comes after one has truly exhausted all other possibilities. In the story of Buddha, the Enlightened One came to realise that that extreme self-denial, discipline and high meditative states were simply not enough and so decided on the middle way – neither luxury nor poverty. Self reflection and his experience of life and the truths behind it enabled him to achieve enlightenment. The Buddha looked WITHIN not WITHOUT and found the answers he sought.

  Many people fear this process. This is understandable. Many fear what they might see, fear how they may feel if they go to the dark places in their minds and hearts and so look for external solutions – partners, sex, money, work, addictions. But none of these satisfy the deep longing for peace which can only be found within. And there are plenty of traders and performers willing to tout their wares to the sad, desperate and lonely (I am not talking about genuine readers as I am a reader myself). Many offer ‘solutions’ in the way of specific theories and belief systems that sell the idea that their suffering is meant to be for some higher soul purpose and, if they just hang on in there and suffer that little bit more, everything will work out in the end. They are ‘doing their work’, ‘the other is coming towards you soon’, or ‘wanting to communicate but are afraid to for [insert reason/excuse]’. Of course, it never does. It is like the Rapture – the date keeps changing and so do the rules. It is a game that cannot be won other than by those who make up the rules, leaving the heartbroken and the lonely holding onto an empty cup that will never be filled. It is in the very nature of the human to be loved and to dangle the idea of a love that will never come before the lost and the lonely is cruel, cynical and deeply unethical.

  Only at the point of giving up on everything, even life itself, do we often see the light. It may come as the rising of a new dawn or it may come as a lightning bolt that tears your life asunder. But the destruction of all we know is an essential part of the process of Becoming. It is at this point we surrender – to God, to Jesus, to the Goddess, to Source or whatever belief you hold – and let go. Utterly. And to let go is to become a child again. To allow the Source to see you there, standing naked and unafraid, with the last of the old life falling away, the negative parts of the Ego dying. The process I speak of it painful and yet deeply euphoric. The purges that follow, traumatic but deeply healing and cathartic. It has to hurt if it is to heal. In order to know light you must first walk through the darkness. There is no other way. Holding onto the old systems and programs will never make you happy or whole.

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So How Do You Get To This Place?

  The first thing you will start to notice is the feeling that ‘something’ isn’t quite right. In the beginning you may not be able to put your finger on it but, over time, you will start to see that things are not fitting together as they once did. DO NOT IGNORE THIS. This is your intuition, or your ‘Spidey Senses’ working as they should. Beliefs and ideas you once held as gospel no longer sit right with you. You begin to question everything, even yourself. This is perfectly normal. What isn’t normal is NOT questioning anything.

  1. As you start to question everything, those around you will start to question YOU. Your sanity, your state of mind. Do not doubt yourself at this early stage. You are starting to awaken and leaving the old notions, ideas, programs and beliefs behind.
  2. Others will want to keep you in the Matrix. They will challenge you, even go as far as to say you need psychiatric help. You do not. Stay the course.
  3. Find some useful beginners meditation videos on Youtube to get you started. Learning to clear your mind and forge that essential connection to Source and to your Self, your inner core. Think of yourself as a fortress or a temple. You are your sanctuary. You do not need anything else. You don’t need any special training or classes. There are plenty of helpful meditation guides online for you to use.
  4. Remember – you do not need anyone to validate your existence or your experience. We hear a lot about others being ‘invalidated’ by others. You can only invalidate yourself. You are ultimately responsible for yourself. No-one else. Own yourself. Take care of yourself and your body, mind and spirit.
  5. No-one is responsible for how you feel. No-one is responsible for your happiness. Never place your happiness in the hands of another. Do not give away your power like that. You are not responsible for the happiness of others either. Accept personal responsibility. Own your mistakes and rectify them if you can.
  6. Change what you can and accept what you cannot. Life happens. You cannot control life, but you can control how it affects you. Take ownership of how you feel during troubled times. Seek help when you need it but do not fall into the trap of expecting others to solve your problems for you. YOU have all the answers you need. You just need to look in the right places, or have patience and the answers will come when you are not looking for them.
  7. Accept you know nothing, or very little about the world. I don’t mean this in an offensive way. But be open to everything. Practice discernment and critical thinking. If something does not fit, don’t try to make it fit. If you do not agree, accept you do not agree and move on.
  8. Not everyone is going to agree with you. Getting angry and arguing the toss solves nothing. Before engaging in an argument, ask yourself – is it worth the time and effort? What will I gain from this? Does it really matter? Can I spend my time and energy in a better and more productive way? It’s not backing down, it’s simply not engaging. There is a difference.
  9. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Beware of those who come into your life and claim to ‘make things better’ or ‘save you’. If you are vulnerable, there are those who will latch onto you and will make themselves indispensable in your life. They do so because, more often than not, they have co-dependence issues and need constant validation in order to feel ‘whole’ and ‘complete’. These people will often be very intense very quickly – claiming to be ‘soul-mates’ or ‘best friends’. Be very careful. A lot of these individuals are predatory and will often exhibit unstable behaviours bordering on criminal such as coercive, emotionally and mentally abusive behaviour, and stalking. During the awakening process, co-dependents around you will hold on even tighter and escalate their behaviour as, at some point, you will come to understand the nature of the situation and take appropriate action.
  10. You have a choice who you associate with. At this time you will find yourself both losing and gaining friends. As you ascend, the friends you once had will no longer resonate with you as they once did. Do not feel guilty about moving on. New pastures await. You always have a choice about who you have in your life. If you choose good, healthy relationships, you will have a good healthy experience with those people. If you choose drama, co-dependency, manipulation and tantrums, then you will receive nothing but misery and depression. This in turn, will affect all aspects of your life – work, other relationships, family, health. Remember – you always have a choice and choices have consequences however unintended. You are who you associate with. 
  11. You will begin to suffer from bouts of depression. This is entirely normal. Your old programs are breaking down. They have to in order to make way for new, healthier ones to take their place. As you awaken, you will veer between depression and euphoria. I suggest you seek counselling if you feel the depression if negatively impacting your life. There may be underlying issues you need help with.
  12. Engage with inner child work. If your childhood was less that perfect, it is worth addressing your inner child. Some counselling services provide this support. Alternatively, there are helpful meditations online that will guide you through the inner child healing process. Inner child work is essential if you want to heal fully.
  13. You may find yourself interested in subjects that did not interest you before. READ. READ. READ. Remember – knowledge is power but again, do not get trapped in another false belief loop that will make you miserable.
  14. Knowledge should make you feel happy, light, excited and full of joy. If something or a theory, belief system or program makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy, then it is NOT FOR YOU. Do not feel obliged to partake in it. Whatever lowers your vibration and makes you sad and miserable is to be avoided. That is NOT to say you need to avoid your feelings.
  15. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. Never avoid your feelings. Part of the problem humans have is that they feel the need to hide their emotions. At this time you will be feeling very emotional. It is VITAL you feel ALL your emotions. Laugh, cry, feel joy, feel misery. Accept all your emotions and feel them freely and without guilt or shame. Never apologise for your feelings for you apologise for the truth. Be at peace with your feelings and they will not haunt you as they once did.

  This is by no means an exhaustive list. The awakening process is huge and complex and life-changing. But if one begins with the small things, bigger and more meaningful things will follow. Start by knowing that you are one soul, one being, a spiritual being with a direct connection to God/Goddess/Source. Everything is entirely within your power. Don’t give it away to those who claim to know how to ‘make it better’, ‘know the answers’. No-one can save you except yourself. You will never find true happiness outside of yourself if you continue to plug the emotional leaks with those just like you who are seeking answers of their own. It can only lead to misery, depression, suffering and ruin.

  If you need help and support, please, always took to those who work within the light. There are those who work, not from Source, but from Ego. Be mindful of these people.

TAKE THE POWER YOU ONCE GAVE AWAY TO OTHERS AND GIVE IT BACK TO YOURSELF. THAT IS WHERE THE MAGIC LIES. THAT IS WHEN TRUE MIRACLES CAN HAPPEN. 

TRUST YOURSELF.

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Your Friend in Love and Light

Imeldra Moonpaw

 

Finding Strength and Healing in Truth – The Inner Child and Healing Old Wounds

  It takes a great deal of courage to look in the mirror, to face oneself and say “I can’t go on like this. Something needs to change.” We all go through the Dark Night of the Soul at some time in our lives, often many times. We may think that our lives are collapsing around our ears. That is as it may be, but this is an important time. The time we go through this period is perhaps THE most important time in our lives for it destroys everything we know – old programs, beliefs, ways of thinking, doing and behaving that have caused us harm and unhappiness, that have held us back and seemingly denied us the things we so desperately desire in life, and leaves room to just BREATHE.

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  But first we must be truthful and vulnerable with ourselves. We must tell ourselves the truth, talk with ourselves and go to those places inside that we have ignored and denied for so long. We are often unhappy because of some deep-seated childhood trauma that has lain long-forgotten but plays out nonetheless in our present lives – the absent father, the emotionally unavailable mother, the bullying siblings or peers. The Dark Night of the Soul brings all these traumas to the surface in order for them to be healed. The Higher Self WANTS you to be healed. It WANTS you to be the best version of yourself. That is why the issues long supressed will continue to find a way of resurfacing until they are brought into the light to be examined, felt fully and with compassion and understanding, then let go.

The Inner Child

  This is where we must connect with our inner child. The child within is pure, it is innocent. The child within you did not ask to be brought into the world, did not ask to be abandoned, did not ask to be scorned and neglected by its mother, not abused, beaten or broken. No, my friends, the child within you did not ask to be here but you are here nonetheless. You are here for a reason. You may not know what that reason is as we are not meant to know all the answers, but you being here means that it is MEANT. So, whenever you feel you do not deserve to be here, or feel worthless remember, God/Goddess/Source/the Universe orchestrated your being here. But sometimes you are not meant to know why.

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  The inner child is often wounded and, as a result, we fear rejection, abandonment, love, affection, success. A domineering and unaffectionate parent may produce a person who fears giving and accepting love. To revisit that time is a traumatic yet powerful experience. But you must remember – you are not that child anymore. You must tell your child-self that it was not their fault, that they were not to blame for the actions of the ones who could not even cope with their own lives, let alone the life of an innocent child. Say to your child-self they deserve love and protection. Say that it is different now. Love is safe and those who truly love you will never hurt or leave you. Say to that child that it will never happen again and that all the monsters have gone. It is a different world now – the Dragon is no longer to be feared, but is your ally. Whenever you feel the fear of rejection or abandonment, remember where it comes from and that you are not the scared vulnerable child you once were. Step into your power. Stop giving it away to others.

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  There is a misconception that baring your soul leaves you vulnerable. In some cases, it can leave you open to manipulation and abuse, it is true. But there is also great strength and healing in truth-telling. Long have we been told to keep it in, not say how we feel, keep things to ourselves. But what purpose does that serve? The things and feelings we hold inside of us, if not expressed, can become toxic and destructive, resulting in unhappiness and resentment. In extreme cases, a sense of failure, desperation, anger and depression. While in some cases it may be wise to hold our tongues for diplomacy’s sake, when it comes to matters of the heart and healing, there is no greater strength than letting all that has been ailing you for so long go, to talk with a trusted friend or counsellor, to examine why you feel the way you do and to say it. Purge the past and the negative feelings that go with it. I have kept a journal for decades. It has been my friend and counsellor as my Higher Self often comes through during moments of clarity. Harbouring the darkness inside you serves no purpose. You deserve happiness. You deserve success. You deserve love. You are a spiritual being having a human (or Grimalkin) experience. Always remember that.

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Finding Strength in Truth

  Living the best version of yourself takes no effort. Once you start not caring about what others think of you, once you stop trying to please others (which is a Sisyphean task), once we stop apologising and capitulating, we find we have more energy and time to do the things we want to. Living a lie and trying to hide your light from the world is tiring, depressing, soul-destroying and ultimately detrimental to your health. There is no reason for you to hide your light. You ARE a BEING of LIGHT. Your skills, your creativity, your personality, your individuality sets you apart from everyone else. There is no-one in the Universe like you. That makes you special. Never forget that. The more you live your truth, the stronger you will become. Inevitably, you will have times when you are ill, or you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. We all feel like that sometimes. It is part of being mortal. But to live a little more in truth every day will make you that little more happier, fulfilled, healthier, and able to feel emotions freely and without guilt or shame. There is no shame in being YOU. To open your heart to the world is not a weakness – it is a strength. To feel the fear, the fear of rejection, the fear of ridicule, abandonment and even abuse and to do it anyway, is strength. Let no-one tell you otherwise. If you can do that – love without fear – then you are a much better and healthier person than you were yesterday. I don’t doubt that it is hard. It takes time. Old wounds run deep. Very deep. But all wounds heal and healing starts with the self – self-acceptance, truth, healthy boundaries, learning to say no, giving yourself time to stop, breathe and relax without the cacophony of noise and drama and chaos around you.

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 You deserve happiness so start with yourself. That is where it always starts and where it always ends.

Yours, Always,

Imeldra Moonpaw.

 

 

 

Beauty, Love and the Small Things That Can Bring Us Peace

  It is often said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some believe beauty is on the surface – a beautiful face, a beautiful body, a beautiful painting, or beautiful flower. While in some cases that may be the case, true beauty is more than what we see with our eyes. True beauty is what we see and feel with our heart.

  What you value or deem beautiful is often a reflection of yourself; if you can see the beauty in yourself – your values, honesty, integrity, the love you have for others and other beings, it makes you beautiful on the outside. If you can bring out the best in others, that is beautiful. If you have compassion for those less fortunate, that is beautiful.

  Forgiveness is beautiful. While some find it hard to forgive (and that is okay), when we choose to forgive others it is beautiful. We may feel hurt and resentful one day, then the deep, transformative power of sleep, dreams and love we hold deep within allows us to forgive others their transgressions, whether they have truly hurt us, or it is a perceived hurt. It brings forth the ability to move beyond to a place where our hearts can see clearly again. The dawn rises on a new day and yesterday’s woes and sorrows slowly fade into memory. The love we kept locked away because of those hurts comes forward once again through forgiveness, and that too, is beautiful. It brings peace and balance. But remember, forgiveness is always a choice.

  Human beings suffer terribly because of the perceived nature of beauty. Grimalkins have no such affliction. Human beings, for the most part, judge themselves based on how they look to others, how attractive they are, how much approval they receive from others. They place their worth in the hands of others who too, do not know their own worth either. Let me tell you how Grimalkins value beauty.

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  Grimalkins are self aware, yes, but we are introspective. We understand that each one of us is different – big, small, black, grey, calico etc. We are mindful of our existence every day. We place value on ourselves, not by the colour of our fur or how long our whiskers are. No, we measure our worth by the values and principles we hold. Take my family – the Moonpaws. Our motto is Wisdom Before Knowledge. I find self worth and beauty in teaching youngsters to read and write, by sharing history and encouraging curiosity and a sense of yearning for knowledge in the individuals I meet. It makes me feel good and worthy because I have something to share that inspires others. So you see, your worth comes from inside, not from outside, not from approval from others. I may not get a thank you, but to see someone set off on an academic journey with excitement is more than enough to fill my heart with joy. That is where true self worth lies.

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  Grimalkins live in the moment. We change and improve the things we can change and accept the things we cannot. We express gratitude for the things we have for it is the small things in our lives that can bring us great joy and comfort. We do (or try not to) worry about the morrow. We do not live in fear as humans do – fear of what others may think, feel or do. We say how we feel because our words may make a difference, but they may not. But we never know. It doesn’t matter. Living without fear is beautiful. It opens up a wealth of possibilities that lead on to more beautiful things. Pride and ego are not things Grimalkins are too afflicted by. We strive for peace and balance and a quiet life. But even we can fall by the wayside at times.

  Too often human beings are too afraid to say things to each other, too afraid to say “I love that about you, it makes me feel….” or “…it is beautiful because…” If people recognised and acknowledged the beauty in others, then they may realise that their self worth and value comes from the inside, not from validation from the outside. A beautiful person can facilitate change and transformation in you, quite unexpectedly, making you into a better, more beautiful person. You, in turn, may go on to be the catalyst of change in someone else and so it goes on.

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  Beauty is not about how you look or how you physically present yourself to the world. True beauty is bringing out the best in yourself and in others. Be beautiful every day. Celebrate and be content with the small things – the smell of Earl Grey tea on a rainy day, the feeling of warm sand between your toes, the sound of the sea, seeing tiny shoots appear in your pots where there was only bare soil before. New books. Fresh strawberries, incense and wind chimes, the list of things you find beautiful is endless so take time to be mindful of them and express gratitude for the sense of contentment they bring you. 

  Appreciation for the little things is beautiful. Be mindful of them and you will find small oases of peace in the maelstrom of life.

Yours, Always

Imeldra Moonpaw

Transformation and Awakening During the Dark Time -Healing and the Coming of Spring

  Greetings, my human friends. February is, as they say, the coldest month and, as Imbolc approaches, you may be forgiven for thinking it is a false dawn. While the snowdrops and crocuses may be peering out from the frosty ground, the dark days are not yet over for this is a kind of no-man’s land between winter and spring. The plants and the flowers may want to emerge but the winter is still clinging to all things living. It is a tough time for all beings.

  For some, the winter is a difficult time. For those living in the north, the lack of sunlight may be having an affect of their mental and physical well-being. The world is in a curious state of upheaval and no-one seems to know when or how it will all end. But we can only do the best we can with what we have and forge ahead with both optimism and realism for I sense that things have not yet settled into their new places yet.

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  The Shift has been something of a life-changing event for some. In some cases, life events have forced individuals into a realisation that their old ways of thinking, feeling and doing are no longer working for them. Old programmes and patterns of behaviours were limiting, restricting, suffocating. A sudden shift in awareness perhaps allowed them to break free of those patterns and enabled them to say and do things they would never have said or done before due to ego or fear. Moving beyond those things is a huge step into becoming the person (or Grimalkin) you are meant to be and this can have a snowball effect. But make no mistake – this sudden awakening is not always rainbows and starlight and Buddhist chants. It can, and does, alter your life to the point of no return. It will turn your life upside down.

  Waking up means you see things differently, see people differently, see situations differently. You may have followed one pattern of behaviour only to wake up the next day and think “hang on, this no longer makes sense.” But the difference is you know WHY it no longer makes sense. You begin to question everything and everyone. You analyse and pick apart everything, every relationship in your life and ask yourself “Does this make me happy? Is this working for me? Where am I going? Why am I stuck and how can I get myself unstuck?” The Higher Self WANTS you to wake up, to change and make your life better because it is what you are meant to be doing. But this process also brings with it loss, disappointment and sometimes heartbreak when we realise that those around us are not who we thought they were, or are with us because it is convenient, or the job you have is only a security blanket that you cling to because you are afraid of spreading your wings and showing your true light to the world, or the values you have no longer fit in with the values you see on television, or in the papers, or on line, or in the world in general. Everything seems so out of place. YOU seem out of place. It is disorientating and frustrating and can drive you crazy. But remember- you are in your rightful place and time. Right now.

Yes, waking up can be devastating. You will inevitably lose the things you love and, like the no-man’s land we are in before the spring, can be a frightening and uncertain time as we are letting go of the old life with no lifebuoy to hold on to. As such, we can feel as though we are drowning. Leaving a job because you know it is detrimental to your health and well-being is terrifying – how will you pay the bills? How will you manage? Will the ideas I have for my own business work? What if I fail? They are all questions that will do circuits around your head, keeping you trapped in fear.

 

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Leaving behind people you once loved is probably the hardest of all. Your shift in consciousness almost always brings truth and sometimes that truth is painful. It is hard because for the longest time you thought those people would always be around, always be part of your life, always share your greatest achievements and your deepest despair. But when you wake up, you will sometimes see that it was not always the case; that those you thought cared the most about, never cared or wanted to be part of your life after all, or that those who you thought you could rely on walked away when you needed them most. It leaves you feeling bereft. Empty. Left with a feeling of nowhere to go.

  The most painful part of all of the awakening process is the perception that you lied to yourself. This is not the case. You believed in the best of people; you acted on the knowledge you had at the time. Forgive yourself for not knowing. Forgive yourself for not being awake. Forgive yourself for caring too much – it is not a crime to love but remember that love is not always returned. It is okay not to feel okay about this. With awakening comes the ability to give love to those who you feel have earned it. You can be wise with your feelings now rather than love blindly and giving freely. Your cup needs to be full before it is offered to others. If you cannot love yourself, then at least accept yourself. It is a start. Meditate. The Great Mother/God/Universe/your Higher Self has love for everyone. More than enough. Ask and you shall receive with abundance.

  The Dark Time is also a time of healing so if anyone is feeling the effects of loss because of their awakening, please know it will not last. The colours will return to the world, the scents of the flowers will come back more fragrant than before. Remember, with awakening comes enlightenment so, like the spring, new things will grow and flourish. Allow the old things to die to make room for new life and new opportunities. Make room for those who want to stand by your side and let go of those who do not. Life is too short and time to precious. You have to make life happen for yourself despite the heartache this process may have caused. But this is a necessary process – it is almost like a waking death only for you to be transformed into something better on the other side. Allow yourself to be reborn wiser and more knowledgeable and spiritual than before.

  Be mindful that winter doesn’t last forever. Be kind to yourself in this dark time. Heal, spend time with trusted friends or your animal friends. Hand all your cares, worries and woes over to the Great Mother, God, the Universe or the creator of your understanding. It is all part of the soul’s journey to a better you.

Brightest Blessings in these Dark Days
Imeldra Moonpaw

The Deepening Darkness and the Time of Letting Go

  Greetings, my human friends. It has been a while since I posted a blog but one has been busy and a little frazzled. The old bones are not working as they should and I needed rest after what has been a tumultuous year. But, my dearest friends, the time is coming for us to gather together at Deepening Darkness to feast, to celebrate, and to reflect on all we have done this year. And to reflect on those we have loved and lost.

  Yes, my friends, it has been a year of loss as a dear friend passed peacefully over to the Otherworld in the Summer after a short illness. The Great Mother saw his suffering and took him gently into Her arms and took him home to join the rest of those waiting for us in the Summerlands. I see him in dreams sometimes, healthy and whole, the way he was before old age, sickness and death took him. While I do feel sad he cannot be with us for our Mordrach celebrations, I know he is celebrating with our loved ones beyond the Veil, happy and pain-free. So, Leo, me old friend, we shall raise a tankard or two for you this year. You are dearly missed.

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  And so, as we reflect on all we have done throughout the year, we also look back on the things we could, or maybe should have done. Mordrach is a time of reflection, but also a time of regret; we regret not spending enough time studying, or tending to our everyday tasks, or spending time with friends or family. We may regret harsh words spoken, or words not spoken at all. That ache in the heart not acted upon, or that phrase on the tip of the tongue left unspoken that could have made all the difference in the world to someone without even realising it. The fear of the unknown or how others may react to our declarations of support, love and affection binding us like vines that constrict and then strangle even the strongest of oaks, causing it to whither and die in sorrow and contrition. It is easier to seek forgiveness than permission, but to look back on the things you wish you had done but didn’t can cause one great pain. And it is at the time of Deepening Darkness we have such a long time to reflect on that. A long time indeed.

  The Time of Deepest Darkness is also a time of letting go. As the Black Horse of Winter vanquishes Shamash Sun-Cat, he lets go of his magnificent mane of gold. Light leaves the world and we are left in darkness to contemplate our fate and what is to come. For some, letting go is a much-needed relief – holding on to what does not serve you only causes great harm and suffering to your soul, and to unburden yourself is an act of healing and self-discovery. But for some, letting go is painful. The things we love sometimes need to be let go of if they no longer serve us, or do not wish to stay. It is not for us to hold on to  them for they are not ours to keep; you cannot keep a wild bird in a cage for it is against nature and an act of unkindness. No matter how much you love something, or someone, when they no longer wish to be part of your world, you have to let them go. The seasons turn and life continues, indifferent to the suffering of mortals. We can, but hope, to find a way to regain our strength as Shamash does in spring as his mane of gold grows back to its original magnificence and brings light back to the world.

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As the Old Grimalkin saying goes “it is easier to hold on the the one you hate than to let go of the one you love.”

 

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  But for all we have to let things go, we never stop loving them, be they things or memories or individuals. Sometimes the greatest act of love is to release someone from the binds we may have placed upon them, to free them from the obligation that they need to stay, to be around you out of a sense of guilt or duty. But always try and speak the truth of your heart before doing so because letting someone go before you have spoken your truth can be a burden your soul will have to bear for all your earthly days. Live not with sorrow and regret as I have done. Speak your truth and be not afraid. Follow not the path of one who was too afraid and too proud to do so. Yes, even I can falter and fall by the wayside.

  I hope all who read my blog find peace and happiness at this uncertain time. I am sorry it wasn’t full of Yuletide cheer but, like all things, happiness comes with a measure of sorrow and there are times when we have to experience that sad times to appreciate the good ones.

Healing Blessings to you all,

Your Friend

Imeldra.

Forgiveness – Only Give the Gift When it is Earned.

The Great Mother Goddess understands that Grimalkins have emotional complexities and, as such, limitations on what they can and can’t accept from others. The subject of forgiveness is one that is never forced upon a creature for there is the understanding that some wounds are too deep for healing.

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  While forgiveness is a merciful and noble act, it should never be used against a creature who has been wronged most grievously simply to make others feel better about a situation they feel uncomfortable about. Forgiveness is a highly personal issue and a choice only the Grimalkin concerned can make after some long and serious consideration. While some find it easy to forgive, others find it difficult. Those who find forgiveness testing should be treat with kindness and patience; their stories may be sad and they may wish not to discuss them with others. No-one can judge a Grimalkin who chooses not to forgive as one does not know of their circumstances.

Forgiveness must never just be granted without these three things:

  • Recognition – the wrongdoer must recognise they have done wrong.
  • Remorse – the wrongdoer must show genuine remorse for their actions.
  • Restoration – the wrongdoer must show willing to put right the wrong and be genuine about it.

 

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  Grimalkins are not bound by social pressure to forgive; it is entirely up to the individual. Much damage can be done when one is pressured into forgiveness by others who want things to be made easier for them because they believe the situation will be resolved that way, and all will be well – for them, and not for the Grimalkin who is being pressured to forgive. That is not how true forgiveness works. Forgiveness has to be earned.

  To force someone to forgive and then berate them for not doing so is a terrible thing, a cruel thing. When a creature has been through much toil, they need time to heal and set their thoughts and feelings on the right path again. Much hurt and damage can be caused by those around them who say “if you don’t forgive you can’t move on” and other such falsehoods. One will never move on if one lies to oneself and does something against the wishes of one’s own heart. If the other party has not earned forgiveness, then do not forgive. Do not feel guilty about it. Be sure in your convictions. Do not let others make you feel bad because they do not understand your heart. If they do not understand your toil and despair, then they are at fault. It is a problem they must realise and confront. Let go of the guilt you may feel and do what you know is right.

Forgiveness is a gift to be given to those who truly deserve it and who have earned it otherwise the wrongdoer will never know the value of forgiveness themselves and may never change their behaviour.

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The Owl and the Night – Reclaiming the Crone And the Light from the Dark

  For those who spend time following certain lines of discussion both in the mainstream and  the alternative medias, there has been a great deal of discussion about the owl and her symbolism. We are living in a period of great change and upheaval and it appears that those who dwell in darkness are now being exposed to the Light. This, my friends, has long been foretold and awaited by many, especially by those of us who dwell within the Light.

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For those of us who work with esoteric signs and symbols, I believe it is high time we reclaimed the signs and symbols that we have used benevolently for generations, symbols used by sections of human society for ill intent. I refer to my own symbol as an example, the symbol of my house – the Owl of Moonpaw – one of many symbols used and turned backwards to mean something evil, dark and corrupt. While every symbol has both a positive and negative side, the bastardisation of esoteric signs and symbols from the swastika to the pentagram has reached its peak. It is time to neutralise the evil and take back the ancient symbols of wisdom, knowledge and protection and say to those who do evil “no more, you have taken enough and you will have no more.”. Let’s take back our symbols and our heritages, my friends, my brothers and sisters. Let’s take back our swastikas, our pentagrams and our owls, our lions, our snakes, our dragons, and our winged gods and goddesses. It’s time to bring them all home and back into the Light and take away the power from those who choose to dwell in darkness. Their time is over. The polarity is reversing. Their black sun is setting and a new dawn awaits those who want a peaceful and just world for all, not just a self-appointed few.

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   The symbol of my house – the owl – has some negative connotations. She is associated with death and ill luck. But without death and ill-luck how can one appreciate life and prosperity? The owl dwells in darkness but does she not also bring sleep and dreams and healing? Does she not also teach one how to see that which is hidden, that which hides from the Light, those who wish to do ill and bring evil upon others? In order to find the wicked rats who hide in the shadows, doesn’t one also need the ability of the owl to see in the dark to find them? She harsh but she is wise, she kills but she also teaches tough lessons – the best lessons of all, as we will always remember them. The owl in her hag-nest sees all, even into the darkest corners of your soul. She sees the truth and speaks it too, no matter how uncomfortable. We need the owl so let’s retake her power from the wicked and the cruel and learn from her positive aspects. We can see Light even in the darkness.

Peace and Blessings.