It takes a great deal of courage to look in the mirror, to face oneself and say “I can’t go on like this. Something needs to change.” We all go through the Dark Night of the Soul at some time in our lives, often many times. We may think that our lives are collapsing around our ears. That is as it may be, but this is an important time. The time we go through this period is perhaps THE most important time in our lives for it destroys everything we know – old programs, beliefs, ways of thinking, doing and behaving that have caused us harm and unhappiness, that have held us back and seemingly denied us the things we so desperately desire in life, and leaves room to just BREATHE.
But first we must be truthful and vulnerable with ourselves. We must tell ourselves the truth, talk with ourselves and go to those places inside that we have ignored and denied for so long. We are often unhappy because of some deep-seated childhood trauma that has lain long-forgotten but plays out nonetheless in our present lives – the absent father, the emotionally unavailable mother, the bullying siblings or peers. The Dark Night of the Soul brings all these traumas to the surface in order for them to be healed. The Higher Self WANTS you to be healed. It WANTS you to be the best version of yourself. That is why the issues long supressed will continue to find a way of resurfacing until they are brought into the light to be examined, felt fully and with compassion and understanding, then let go.
The Inner Child
This is where we must connect with our inner child. The child within is pure, it is innocent. The child within you did not ask to be brought into the world, did not ask to be abandoned, did not ask to be scorned and neglected by its mother, not abused, beaten or broken. No, my friends, the child within you did not ask to be here but you are here nonetheless. You are here for a reason. You may not know what that reason is as we are not meant to know all the answers, but you being here means that it is MEANT. So, whenever you feel you do not deserve to be here, or feel worthless remember, God/Goddess/Source/the Universe orchestrated your being here. But sometimes you are not meant to know why.
The inner child is often wounded and, as a result, we fear rejection, abandonment, love, affection, success. A domineering and unaffectionate parent may produce a person who fears giving and accepting love. To revisit that time is a traumatic yet powerful experience. But you must remember – you are not that child anymore. You must tell your child-self that it was not their fault, that they were not to blame for the actions of the ones who could not even cope with their own lives, let alone the life of an innocent child. Say to your child-self they deserve love and protection. Say that it is different now. Love is safe and those who truly love you will never hurt or leave you. Say to that child that it will never happen again and that all the monsters have gone. It is a different world now – the Dragon is no longer to be feared, but is your ally. Whenever you feel the fear of rejection or abandonment, remember where it comes from and that you are not the scared vulnerable child you once were. Step into your power. Stop giving it away to others.
There is a misconception that baring your soul leaves you vulnerable. In some cases, it can leave you open to manipulation and abuse, it is true. But there is also great strength and healing in truth-telling. Long have we been told to keep it in, not say how we feel, keep things to ourselves. But what purpose does that serve? The things and feelings we hold inside of us, if not expressed, can become toxic and destructive, resulting in unhappiness and resentment. In extreme cases, a sense of failure, desperation, anger and depression. While in some cases it may be wise to hold our tongues for diplomacy’s sake, when it comes to matters of the heart and healing, there is no greater strength than letting all that has been ailing you for so long go, to talk with a trusted friend or counsellor, to examine why you feel the way you do and to say it. Purge the past and the negative feelings that go with it. I have kept a journal for decades. It has been my friend and counsellor as my Higher Self often comes through during moments of clarity. Harbouring the darkness inside you serves no purpose. You deserve happiness. You deserve success. You deserve love. You are a spiritual being having a human (or Grimalkin) experience. Always remember that.
Finding Strength in Truth
Living the best version of yourself takes no effort. Once you start not caring about what others think of you, once you stop trying to please others (which is a Sisyphean task), once we stop apologising and capitulating, we find we have more energy and time to do the things we want to. Living a lie and trying to hide your light from the world is tiring, depressing, soul-destroying and ultimately detrimental to your health. There is no reason for you to hide your light. You ARE a BEING of LIGHT. Your skills, your creativity, your personality, your individuality sets you apart from everyone else. There is no-one in the Universe like you. That makes you special. Never forget that. The more you live your truth, the stronger you will become. Inevitably, you will have times when you are ill, or you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. We all feel like that sometimes. It is part of being mortal. But to live a little more in truth every day will make you that little more happier, fulfilled, healthier, and able to feel emotions freely and without guilt or shame. There is no shame in being YOU. To open your heart to the world is not a weakness – it is a strength. To feel the fear, the fear of rejection, the fear of ridicule, abandonment and even abuse and to do it anyway, is strength. Let no-one tell you otherwise. If you can do that – love without fear – then you are a much better and healthier person than you were yesterday. I don’t doubt that it is hard. It takes time. Old wounds run deep. Very deep. But all wounds heal and healing starts with the self – self-acceptance, truth, healthy boundaries, learning to say no, giving yourself time to stop, breathe and relax without the cacophony of noise and drama and chaos around you.
You deserve happiness so start with yourself. That is where it always starts and where it always ends.