Greetings, my human friends. It has been a while since I posted a blog but one has been busy and a little frazzled. The old bones are not working as they should and I needed rest after what has been a tumultuous year. But, my dearest friends, the time is coming for us to gather together at Deepening Darkness to feast, to celebrate, and to reflect on all we have done this year. And to reflect on those we have loved and lost.
Yes, my friends, it has been a year of loss as a dear friend passed peacefully over to the Otherworld in the Summer after a short illness. The Great Mother saw his suffering and took him gently into Her arms and took him home to join the rest of those waiting for us in the Summerlands. I see him in dreams sometimes, healthy and whole, the way he was before old age, sickness and death took him. While I do feel sad he cannot be with us for our Mordrach celebrations, I know he is celebrating with our loved ones beyond the Veil, happy and pain-free. So, Leo, me old friend, we shall raise a tankard or two for you this year. You are dearly missed.
And so, as we reflect on all we have done throughout the year, we also look back on the things we could, or maybe should have done. Mordrach is a time of reflection, but also a time of regret; we regret not spending enough time studying, or tending to our everyday tasks, or spending time with friends or family. We may regret harsh words spoken, or words not spoken at all. That ache in the heart not acted upon, or that phrase on the tip of the tongue left unspoken that could have made all the difference in the world to someone without even realising it. The fear of the unknown or how others may react to our declarations of support, love and affection binding us like vines that constrict and then strangle even the strongest of oaks, causing it to whither and die in sorrow and contrition. It is easier to seek forgiveness than permission, but to look back on the things you wish you had done but didn’t can cause one great pain. And it is at the time of Deepening Darkness we have such a long time to reflect on that. A long time indeed.
The Time of Deepest Darkness is also a time of letting go. As the Black Horse of Winter vanquishes Shamash Sun-Cat, he lets go of his magnificent mane of gold. Light leaves the world and we are left in darkness to contemplate our fate and what is to come. For some, letting go is a much-needed relief – holding on to what does not serve you only causes great harm and suffering to your soul, and to unburden yourself is an act of healing and self-discovery. But for some, letting go is painful. The things we love sometimes need to be let go of if they no longer serve us, or do not wish to stay. It is not for us to hold on to them for they are not ours to keep; you cannot keep a wild bird in a cage for it is against nature and an act of unkindness. No matter how much you love something, or someone, when they no longer wish to be part of your world, you have to let them go. The seasons turn and life continues, indifferent to the suffering of mortals. We can, but hope, to find a way to regain our strength as Shamash does in spring as his mane of gold grows back to its original magnificence and brings light back to the world.
As the Old Grimalkin saying goes “it is easier to hold on the the one you hate than to let go of the one you love.”
But for all we have to let things go, we never stop loving them, be they things or memories or individuals. Sometimes the greatest act of love is to release someone from the binds we may have placed upon them, to free them from the obligation that they need to stay, to be around you out of a sense of guilt or duty. But always try and speak the truth of your heart before doing so because letting someone go before you have spoken your truth can be a burden your soul will have to bear for all your earthly days. Live not with sorrow and regret as I have done. Speak your truth and be not afraid. Follow not the path of one who was too afraid and too proud to do so. Yes, even I can falter and fall by the wayside.
I hope all who read my blog find peace and happiness at this uncertain time. I am sorry it wasn’t full of Yuletide cheer but, like all things, happiness comes with a measure of sorrow and there are times when we have to experience that sad times to appreciate the good ones.
Healing Blessings to you all,